Hey lovelies, HaziWords here, trying to get creative on a unique intro.
HaziWords, Hazily Wording things since 2014.
*Flashes cheesy grin, adjusts top hat, pulls guinea pig from hunched back*.
Anyways, I know it’s been a bit since anythings gone up in Writers Square…or should I say down.
I really need more than just thirty minutes of sleep after volunteering a normal persons shift, until twelve at night, and then at six thirty in the morning.
But seriously, I have another post for Writers Square:
Ten Things Writers Understand.
All the time. No matter where. This is often misunderstood as staring, which is considered rude because you should have a life, you know, outside the voices in your head.
*Staring off into distance, considering an incredible, never heard of plot twist*
*Gets nudged by brother/dad/mom* “Starings rude”
“I’m not staring!”
*Shifts eyes to some other spot where a person is standing to stare*
2. Character Reality
*Sees boy walking by with the perfect idea of how awesome character is*
*Stares at boy for more than ten seconds*
“Ooohhh, see someone you like?”
*Continues to search crowd avidly in hopes that maybe said story will become reality when other lead stumbles in.*
“Hazi, I know he’s cute, but staring’s rude.”
*Jars out of reality* “Cute?! Puh-leeze, I was just noticing how his eyes are exactly like this one guy I kno….so did you see the game last night?”
3. Stop asking to read my writing.
Look, I get it. You’re trying to be polite, you know, read what I wrote.
See though, the thing is, I don’t even read what I write. I live it out, and then save the file and move on.
Half the time, what I wrote was midnight thoughts crammed into a story just as I hear my parents get up to do their house-walk through thing (house guard at night).
“Oh I’m sure it’s not bad!”
*Nods* “Well, hold on…”
*Reads first three words*
*Chokes at terrible writing*
*Slaps notebook shut*
*Smiles and walks away, daydreaming again*
I’ve actually met a few of these unintentionally. Their the ones that some how got ahold of your work, and have legitimately nit-picked it to death. These people are the reason why half the writers are terrified to be published.
These people, are the reason red pens are loathed.
I mean honestly, I could just be like “Hey man, here’s an unedited version of my story, it’s nothing big, and I’m still tweaking it, so the grammar and structure and all is a little bazaar, but I’m fixing it*
And three hours later, you’ve just recieved an F on a project that was just for fun.
It wasn’t even for school.
“Hey, could you check this out?”
“Yeah, you want me to edit it?”
“Nah, I got it, just tell me what’s up with the dialog and all. Can’t seem to get it flowing.”
“Yeah, I got you.”
*4 Decades later (really it’s about an hour later)*
“Hey, just thought I’d show you some parts I thought I’d help you with*
Red Markings everywhere.
The blood from my destroyed dreams.
*Dramatically sobs in the background, eating copious amounts of chocolate, thinking about how much of a failure you are*.
5. The okayers.
These people are almost worst than the Over-Criticizers.
“So how was the story?”
“It was okay.”
“Well I mean it wasn’t bad”
*Pulls out microscope, detective cap and pipe*
*Analyzes what they said*
*Over thinks everything*
*Realizes you’re a failure*
*Sobs in the background eating copious amounts of chocolate and thinks about how horrible of a person you are*.
6. So what are you thinking about?
What am I thinking about?
How do I describe this without playing twenty questions with you?
*Thinks about what you were thinking about*
*Considers your story*
*Considers how to explain it*
*Considers world destruction*
*Remembers that the government probably reads search history*
*Remembers research on Atomic bomb*
*Remembers research on how to say “This really sucks” in Japanese*
*Remembers how you ended up on Fox News reading articles dated six years back about serial killers and hospitals*
“Well, I actually really like dogs, happy birthday to you, thanks for asking.”
7. I did work, okay?
I mean really, some people don’t know what it’s like to be a writer.
We will spend hours, thinking about our characters.
Imagining our Characters.
Being our characters.
I mean seriously, you thought my story was great to read?
Have you lived it out like I have?
I have cold sweats thinking about my yellow-skinned teethy version of a kinda-Slenderman character.
I’m sorry, but have you fought Jackie Chan?
I don’t think so.
This is hard work.
*Dramatically acting out story idea in bathroom*
*Accidently lets out audible weird noise*
*Blushes and apologizes to the toilet for all your weirdness*
*Wonders if the sink and lights are bugged with cameras*
*Realizes that if dogs could talk, your mothers dog would tell on all your weird antics*
*Resumes your incredible acting*
*Continues to act all the way out of the bathroom, dying for real when you run into someone while your acting*
8. Wow this is really good.
“I’ve never had the talent for writing.”
Well neither did I. I didn’t actually start writing until I was eleven.
I wrote about a girl in Alaska a year older than me who had crazy biological parents, was an absurdly awesome soccer player, who’s mom owned a candy shop, had every single pet you could imagine wandering around, who’s best friend was a guy who’s dad was a secret agent.
The thing is?
As of current, they’ve saved the world once, will save the world soon, have visited
I mainly got into writing because life got hard to handle, and my escape was something like this.
While my life was hitting me at an emotional level, I could hit my story characters at a physical, mythical level.
I honestly can’t take credit for my writing.
I’m not saying God spoke to me, but anything good was conceived via a heckuva a lot of prayer.
So seriously, stop saying you can’t write.
If I don’t have a right to use my Anemia and Asthma to get out of sports, you don’t have a write to use anything to get you out of writing.
Actually, how many people can really relate to these, and how many are trying to track me down so they can put me in an asylum?
9. Everything is an inspiration.
See that tree over there?
See this dog?
See this duct tape?
Well, I should probably use that to fix the binder on my over-read books.
Really though, even on a writers block, it’s like you can forumulate stuff, but you can’t get it on paper.
10. When people say you aren’t your writing.
Dude, do you know how much of this is actually me?
See the main character, this is me if I wasn’t terrified of my parents getting mad at me, or my fear of heights.
Do you see this character?
Yes, the one with the annoyingly attractive looks, the less than clever come backs and the sweetest personality that is in the story?
Well that’s my brother.
Or was my brother.
He turned twelve and went from
“Hey random sir do you want to hear a story?”
To “Go Away, I don’t talk to people”.
People think I’m the outgoing one.
I’m 71% percent introverted.
Three months ago, I was at 98% percent introverted. I took the test three times to come up with the same stinkin results.
Anyways, that character that you don’t like?
That’s my mother and my father in the same person. So it’s really insulting that you don’t like them. Jeez.
Everything in my stories is me.
Those are me.
Stop saying I’m not my writing.
I am too my writing-and my writing is me.
Anyways, that’s all I have left for you today!
Any of these random tangents and rants relatable?
What are your thoughts on todays post?