Listen, I wanted to sit down and have a great blog post-write something that will make you laugh a little, but I’m just going to be real and vulnerable for a little bit because this is what I have to offer; unfiltered, and expressive. Probably in a confusing way.
So, where to start…
I’ve been going through some things in my life, and forgiveness and healing are one of them. After dealing with some family members (extended), repeatedly informing me that I was crazy (you know, the awkward silences, acting like what I said was ridiculous, etc), and being told, in a matter of speaking, that I should be so lucky as to have a single second of their day, I’ve got some issues.
Break that down, my Psychologist dudes (also, as an aspiring Psychologist, might I just say, impressive works-unless you’re a bad Psychologist…and then…I mean…not impressive work).
*I know I sound really unprofessional-again, being unedited and vulnerable.*
So, long story short, I’ve got some drama outside that life and another one, and it’s honestly becoming quiet the pain.
Not even the drama there, just the idea that, I have to keep smiling, when all I’m getting are these absurd concerns that I’ll have a run-in at work with these family members (i.e, general idea would to be refer to Why I Believe in Being a Rejected Misfit), and major flashbacks, but in a Gilmore Girls kind of way, where they flashed between the past and the future so fluently.
That being said, this got me thinking.
Why does healing take so, absolutely stinking, long?
I mean, as a Christian, we’re called to forgive; I went through a whole bible study (not purposely, it was a book they were going over), that dispelled the idea of being so…unforgiving. What they did not explain, though, was the difference between forgiving and the difference between healing.
I know, I know, you’re probably like.
“Where’s the connection?”
Like the Butler in Clue, we’ll get there.
So naturally, this plays into a lot of my person today-you know, hard on myself, a little long-winded, a remarkable amount of frustration toward ones self.
Because I’ve been a Christian for twelve years, why can’t I forgive someone?
This means, that I’ve known that God forgave/will forgive me, for all of my bogus bullcrap, for twelve years.
So why can’t I do a simple task of forgiving?
Even though I’m not bitter, I no longer hate them or feel no real contempt toward them-I just…feel…hurt.
And also, if I eventually forgave, then how come healing is taking me so long.
So, clearly, because they must go hand in hand (nobody said that, I just assumed), I am, in fact, a terrible person.
I have not forgiven these people like God did to me. What happened to pay it forward.
But, um, here’s the thing, despite what the condescending voices in my head loudly proclaim (like bugle calls), healing, and forgiveness, are not the same thing.
And I don’t know if you needed to hear that or not, but here we are. Healing and forgiveness are not the same, and in order to heal, you have to forgive, and forgiveness takes a while, so imagine why healing takes so long.
So to draw it all together (in case you didn’t catch that), forgiveness and healing aren’t the same things even though they come in the same lovely package tied together in a neat little bow.
So healing takes forever because forgiveness is a bit of process, and forgiveness is apart of healings process.
I feel like I just repeated myself roughly one thousand times, but I digress.
Now we know why I don’t do devotionals here.
“But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob, and He who formed you, O Israel
‘Do not fear, for I have redeeemed you; I have called you by name; you are Mine!'” -Isaiah 43:1